My relationship with coffee has changed so much in the past few weeks. I’ve seen all these cliche mom posts about wine and coffee, but once you pop out a second kid something inside of you wants coffee 24/7. It’s just like the SNL spirit animal skit. We instinctively chop off our hair, drink a LOT of coffee and develop a taste for wine. I mean-I haven’t yet wanted wine *vodka cran girl*, but it appears to be my closest goal.
I have two kids, a minivan, and strong opinions on vaccinations. I am a 19 year old child in a 31 year old mother’s body. And it’s weird as hell.Continue reading →
Every single pregnancy website I read presents me with sugar coated facts and photos of perfectly shaped women with basketballs beneath their shirts. Today, at week 32, I was warned that I may be having some heartburn due to my perfect little jicama (WHATEVER THE HELL THAT IS) pushing up on my stomach, and that taking Tums and propping my head up six inches “may” help. The truth is, for some reason, God decided it would be a brilliant idea to shove a 3 and 1/2 pound human body in a space that was originally the size of a plum. Instead of it growing outward or skimming the surface of its host’s organs, it literally moves aside the entire digestive tract until said host’s stomach is literally in her throat. This is insane. INSANE. And propping my head up six inches is not going to help my heartburn. Nothing can help a person whose stomach is in their throat. Continue reading →
Part One is Here
Part Two: So, we made it to Boston. Once off the plane, we gave each other the usual smiling silent, “Well, that was awkward.” expressions and made our way to baggage claim. Shortly, we were ready to tackle Boston’s public transportation system and take the bus into town.
Our first impressions of Bostonians were not positive, as the guy in the information booth did not seem very excited to tell the two country mice the best way to get to Government Center, but later we had nothing but pleasant encounters. In hindsight, he was probably from somewhere else. Kristen took the reins and pointed her spaced-out friend in the right direction. A free bus ride to Government Center-the station nearest our hotel. We were on our way to The Langham Hotel-a swanky place that Kristen and I decided to splurge on since we were only staying in Boston for one night before I had to work. Once there, we GPSed the best walking route to our destination. Unfortunately, our iphones had no idea where we were or which way we were going. Maybe they were used to our usual open spaces. We made several u-turns in the cold-stopping to touch the leftover snow from the week before. It was dirty and hard and gross, but it was snow-a rarity where we are from. I even made a tiny-disgusting snowball. Because SNOW. Continue reading →
Blogs about trips are so hard for me to write because so much happens that I don’t know where to begin. I don’t want to overwhelm you with every little detail of our five day trip, but I don’t want to forget the good stuff, so I am trying something different. I’m going to make this a series of short stories so I don’t forget anything while simultaneously not boring the heck out of my readers. Let me set the scene: Continue reading →
As everyone who has ever known me is aware, I am kind of a guru of astrology. Since I was a child, I can look at someone, name a sign, and describe their inner most emotions. Zodiac signs originated in the 1990’s when Ace of Base released their glorious song “The Sign”. Since then, the world has made all personal decisions based on their zodiac signs. I am a Taurus and my husband is an Aries. We didn’t really have anything in common, but I married him anyway because our stars aligned and now we are happy. Here is what your zodiac sign means to according to me: Continue reading →
Every time I write a blog, I get comments about how thoughtful I am or how wise I am for my years. When I post something on Facebook, I get comments like, “Oh, you guys are so much fun!” “Never a dull moment with you!” “Beautiful family!”. The one that makes me most insecure is “Well said” or “Perfectly worded.” Obviously, these things make me feel GREAT! However, they also make me look a little closer at myself and wonder if people see me as a little wiser and considerate than I actually am. Any thing I ever write comes from experiences, and I enjoy looking back on them and finding something meaningful. The thing is, to get to the point where I can evaluate my own behavior to the world around me, I have to mess up-ALOT-first. As my mother can confirm, I am definitely a “learn the hard way” kind of person. Continue reading →
Today was so weird, ya’ll. I was traveling for work and just wasn’t in the mood. I’d been driving in the middle of nowhere for hours with no cell phone service and limited radio options. Just when I decided to just go home and give up on today, I saw a sign: Americus 10 miles. The town that I practically grew up in. The town where my grandparents used to live. Just ten little miles? I had to go drive by the old house. Continue reading →