Suck It Up, Buttercup: One Of The Many Times I Embarrassed My Mother

It was my first job ever.  I didn’t even apply for it.  A few days before my first day of high school, I was informed of my new position at Eldercare Pharmacy.  I was to work there after school until 5:30pm.  I was excited.  I’m not sure why.  We hadn’t even discussed that I would get a job in high school.  I guess my parents just thought I should.  Alright, then.

As usual, I hadn’t eaten a thing.  I never woke up in time to eat anything, and I refused to eat the nastiness they served for lunch at school.  No, not even the rubbery pizza with plastic cheese could tempt my palate.  Someone once pointed out to me that I could pack a lunch.  What?  Like, plan ahead?  When?  The night before?  Are you kidding me?  Nope.  Another option would have been bringing money to school for the vending machine, but I didn’t have a job, yet, so…. Continue reading

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Do You Really Hate Your Job?

Do you really hate your job?  Maybe you do.  Maybe, your current job is the worst possible thing you could ever be doing.  Maybe, you need to get the H out of there STAT, but here is another idea.  Maybe, it’s you.  Before you leave a job you hate, ask yourself, “Do I hate every single job I’ve ever had?”  If the answer is “yes”, then you might want to figure out why before job hopping again. Continue reading

Wait. Am I Not Funny?

I’m confused.  Am I not funny?  I seriously thought I was.  I mean…I didn’t think I was so funny that I could be a successful stand-up comedian or anything, but I thought I was funny.  I indulge in good, sarcastic, witty conversations with my acquaintances.  Usually, they laugh when I want them to laugh.  I have great timing, don’t I?  After this weekend, I honestly don’t know.
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Baby Talk: The Art Of Manipulation

Jack and Myles
Jack and Myles

Today, as Jack and Myles were playing in their car, I overheard something that you might not believe.  I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop.  Myles likes to hit the car really hard and run away while Jack laughs and stays in.  I was just checking to see if everything was alright and that no fingers were at risk for jamnation.  I guess they didn’t notice.  I walked in mid-sentence.  It all seemed like normal toddler babble to me, until…. Continue reading

My Parents’ Divorce

When my parents got divorced, I was only a few months away from getting engaged.  Actually, their divorce finalized four days after I got engaged.  At 26 years old, I thought I had dodged the bullet that splits families apart.  I thought, Well, if they aren’t divorced by now, I guess they’re going to stick it out.  Suck it up.  Keep their vows miserably until death do them part and all that. Continue reading

My Mom Is The Worst

If your mother is anything like mine, it can freak you out when you find yourself saying or doing something the way she does.  My mother is truly saddened when she sees a young lady (like myself) who chooses not to wear make up or fix her hair.  It drove me nuts growing up.  I was a tshirt and jeans kind of kid.  I don’t think I ever actually fixed my hair until….well….11th grade?  Seriously.  And that was only occasionally.  I refused to wear contacts until then, too.  In hind sight, it is hilarious to me that these things bothered her.  She is the one who taught me to never pay full price for anything.  Abercrombie and Fitch was robbing people if they thought she was going to pay $50 for a tshirt.  SHE WAS RIGHT.  That is insane.  It’s a piece of cotton that has A and F on it.  YOU are PAYING Abercrombie to walk around and advertise for them.  When I was very little, I’m sure she fixed my hair, but once I got old enough to dress myself and whatnot, she never really said, “Okay, Becca.  This is how you fix your hair.”  She didn’t pick out my outfits.  I did.  I had the opportunity to make my own decisions and I chose to do what required the least amount of effort possible.  Which drove her nuts.  Which drove ME nuts.  We were very different people.  I was an early teen who hated school, girls who care about A and F, and most of all, my mother.  She. Was. The. Worst.  She wanted me to study.  She wanted me to do my homework.  She wanted me to SWEEP THE DINING ROOM LIKE I WAS SOME SORT OF HOUSE ELF.  What was wrong with her?  She was upset with me when my teacher called her and said that it looked like I may have forged her signature on my report card.  WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO, MOM?!  I GOT A C IN HISTORY!  She even made me call and apologize to my evil teacher like it was MY fault that she noticed that my mother’s handwriting looked different.  Then, when I decided I wanted to join a softball team because my best friend was doing it, she wouldn’t let me quit.  IT WAS HOT!  I was an awful softball player and she still made me stick with it until the end of the season.  She came to every game just to make sure I went.  Or to root me on.  I don’t know.  Moms, right?  Ugh!  Now, as an adult, I find myself doing things the way she did and it just totally freaks me out.  Here are some things I have to blame on my mother: Continue reading

7 Stupid Things That Make My Dogs Bark

This is Heidi:

Heidi

This is Hobbes:

Hobbes

We love them so much.  We want them to bark.  We want them to alert us of predators loitering in our garage.  We want them to scare away the people who are trying to sell us something.  We want them to wake us from a deep slumber if our house is on fire.  BUT OH MY GOD WILL YOU PLEASE STOP BARKING AT THE LITTLE GIRL PLAYING DRESS-UP IN HER DRIVEWAY?!?!  Heidi?  Hobbes?  While we appreciate you and your amazing skills, I need to explain to you why sometimes, it’s really unnecessary.  Here are some really stupid things that make you bark: Continue reading