As everyone who has ever known me is aware, I am kind of a guru of astrology.  Since I was a child, I can look at someone, name a sign, and describe their inner most emotions.  Zodiac signs originated in the 1990’s when Ace of Base released their glorious song “The Sign”.  Since then, the world has made all personal decisions based on their zodiac signs.  I am a Taurus and my husband is an Aries.  We didn’t really have anything in common, but I married him anyway because our stars aligned and now we are happy.  Here is what your zodiac sign means to according to me: 

Aquarius-Your favorite color is blue, but you look best in brown.  You’re always nice to people who are nice to you.  You enjoy salting your food.

Pisces-You REALLY love to eat pie.  You can’t sing, but you do it anyway.  Your mother tells you it’s great.  It isn’t.

Aries-You enjoy all travel, but prefer flying.  You can sleep anywhere without physical consequences.  Mattresses are overrated to you.

Taurus-You’re mediocre.  Not the cutest, but enough to get by.  Your arms are incredibly short compared to the rest of your body.

Gemini-Your eyes are sparkly.  People sometimes think you’re flirting with them when you aren’t.

Cancer-You like your bacon extra crispy.  There are no Cancers who are vegetarians, and if they tell you they are, they’re lying.

Leo-You have a slightly olive tone to your skin.  You’ve always felt a deep connection to the water.

Virgo-You are incredibly patriotic.  Your favorite color is red, white, and blue and you own NOTHING that was made overseas.

Libra-You enjoy watching others responses to awkward situations.  Your favorite movie is Meet The Parents.

Scorpio-You love to walk backwards.  It’s difficult to control this urge when you’re in public.

Sagittarius-You can’t help but laugh when someone is mad at you.  People always think you’re lying because you smile when accused of something, even if you didn’t do it.

Capricorn-You love digging for clams in the ocean while drinking pre-packaged juice pouches.  You want to go organic, but you just can’t give those babies up.

Disclaimer: All of this is scientifically proven to be fact by the board of science astrologer social media network club.