Part One is Here
Part Two: So, we made it to Boston.  Once off the plane, we gave each other the usual smiling silent, “Well, that was awkward.” expressions and made our way to baggage claim.  Shortly, we were ready to tackle Boston’s public transportation system and take the bus into town.

Our first impressions of Bostonians were not positive, as the guy in the information booth did not seem very excited to tell the two country mice the best way to get to Government Center, but later we had nothing but pleasant encounters.  In hindsight, he was probably from somewhere else.  Kristen took the reins and pointed her spaced-out friend in the right direction.  A free bus ride to Government Center-the station nearest our hotel.  We were on our way to The Langham Hotel-a swanky place that Kristen and I decided to splurge on since we were only staying in Boston for one night before I had to work.  Once there, we GPSed the best walking route to our destination.  Unfortunately, our iphones had no idea where we were or which way we were going.  Maybe they were used to our usual open spaces.  We made several u-turns in the cold-stopping to touch the leftover snow from the week before.  It was dirty and hard and gross, but it was snow-a rarity where we are from.  I even made a tiny-disgusting snowball.  Because SNOW.

Entering the Langham in my lularoe leggings and tennis shoes, I felt a little out of place.  To the left, a pianist on a grand piano and a tea room.  I glanced at the people drinking their tea and sampling gourmet desserts and wondered if they, too were splurging.  Probably not.  After we checked in and left our bags, I quickly changed into more appropriate “fake it til you make it” attire and we went out to explore the city.

We walked to Faneuil Hall Marketplace where we were told we could find some good eats and ran into one of the Cheers-themed restaurants.

 

The placemats conveniently included a map of the Freedom Trail which we were told to follow.  It started outside of Faneuil Hall, so off we went.

The vibe of the city was quickly established as we walked by a man in a teddy bear costume playing techno music on his electric keyboard.  This was also the first of many times that Kristen and I noticed the smell of marijuana.  Later, we had noticed it SO often that I looked up Boston+Marijuana+Trees+Smell on Google thinking their was some sort of tree or plant in Boston that has a similar smell.  It turns out, similar to the conversations of Jules and Vincent on Pulp Fiction, that while it is illegal in Boston, having small amounts of it is rarely punished.  #factotheday 

The other strange thing we kept noticing is the statues.  Kristen and I ended up calling them the death statues.  It seemed that any statue that was not obviously some sort of historical figure/politician was in memoriam of some tragic event.  We literally either saw morbid death statues or historical figure statues.  There was no in between.  It made me appreciate the happy ones at The Shoppes At River Crossing a little more.  Note to self.  If I ever donate a statue in memoriam, make it a happy one.  Speaking of statues, I got temporarily confused and thought Sam Adams and Captain Morgan were the same person, so we took a picture anyway.

The weirdest figure we noticed, however, was on top of the Old State House.  This was the site of the Boston Massacre.  As I admired the building, I noticed a unicorn at the top.  “Uh….is that a….a….unicorn up there?”  “Yep.”  TGFG (Thank God For Google).  Apparently, the unicorn was a well-known symbol for the British Royal Family.  I don’t hear about it anymore, so my guess is the royals were worried we would make fun of their Lisa Frank mascot and stopped using it.  I wonder if they thought they were real at the time.

The Old State House sits on a block all by itself.  Figuring out which road on the map would take us to the next stop is a little confusing for a normal person-but for geographically challenged people-it was even more difficult.  We walked back and forth one street several times before finally making it to the next historical site.  That’s when I looked down.  A red line.  It looked so similar to the red line on the map.  Why was this red line so familiar to me?  Red line.  Red Robin.  Batman.  Man. Ma.  Mama.  “OH CRAP!”  I exclaimed as it hit me, “Mama told me that Freedom Trail had a red line all over the city to follow.”  We didn’t even need a map.  She had told me only a week before to find a starting point and follow the line.  Ugh.  It’s not easy being stupid, y’all.

We decided to make one more major stop before we went back to our hotel for the night.  Mike’s Bakery.  We had been told by our friends and family who had visited, and even by Pinterest and Trip Advisor-that all visitors to Boston MUST go to Mike’s Bakery and buy a cannoli.  A very friendly Bostonian gave us “easy” walking instructions.  “A ten minute walk.” she said.  An hour later and we arrived to Boston’s Little Italy.  Finally.  Mikes.  The line-which started in the totally packed bakery-ended around the block.  We had come so far.  We decided to wait.  We yelled our order at the girl over the crowd.  She took Kristen’s twenty and gave her back $10 less that was owed.  Thirty minutes later, we split a Boston-creme pie while waiting for our Uber to the hotel.  It was delicious.  We saved the cannolis for the hotel.

Finally, we were at the hotel.  A man brought up our bags and I tipped him-feeling incredibly sophisticated.  The view, the bed, the bathrobes, the pink accents.  Kristen and I joked about how romantic this trip would have been with different travel partners.  We took showers and got ready for bed, trying to decide if we were allowed to keep the Langham embroidered slippers and whether or not we would be charged for drinking the bottled water.  TGFG, yall.  We could keep them and we could drink water.  *Fist pump!*

We took out our cannoli boxes, ceremoniously opened the twine-tied blue boxes, and got ready to have the true Boston experience.  A cannoli from Mike’s.  In our fancy hotel.  Wearing our fancy hotel slippers.  This was it.  The cherry on top of our incredible day.

Mine was greasy and tasted like an old empanada stuffed with sugar-free chocolate pudding.  Kristen’s was a little better, as it was filled with Oreos (thanks, Nabisco).  It was one of those things where something had been built up too much, like the movie La La Land.  I have no regrets.  We HAD to try it because everyone told us to try it, and I’m glad we did, but I wonder how many people pretend to love it because they are supposed to love it.  #hipsters

Being the party animals that we were, we drank the rest of our complimentary bottled waters and called it a night.  Our first day in New England started off a little awkwardly, but ended well, with turn-down service and famous cannolis that simply weren’t good enough for us.  Isn’t that every girl’s dream?