After hearing myself say to my son, “No. We don’t put our hand in the dog’s butt.” and posting said statement on Facebook, I was inspired by my friend Amber to figure out a way to help toddlers answer the more difficult questions in life. Often, when saying to Jack, “Don’t lick that!” or “We don’t show our belly button to total strangers, darling.”, he has a very confused expression on his face. So, after way too much time figuring out how to create flowcharts on free online software, I give you: Flowcharts for Toddlers. The following should be helpful for your child when a challenging situation arises. Good luck!
Today, as my family and I were driving home, we witnessed a woman break a bottle on the back of another woman’s head. There were four of them. My husband’s reaction was to pull over and make sure no one was going to kill anybody. My reaction was total annoyance, as the ladies were fighting in the middle of road, and I wanted to go home. I felt nothing. I barely even acknowledged what had happened. Continue reading
I cry all the time. I’m not depressed. I’m actually a pretty happy person. Life hands me some lemons, but usually it’s all lemonade and smiles around here. Show me a commercial with the perfect soundtrack and a well developed story line and I’ll show you an admiring consumer attempting to hold back the tears. You know that really awkward scene in American Beauty? Where weird guy next door describes the movement of a plastic bag floating around in the wind (pre-Katy Perry, thank you very much) and he starts crying at the beauty of it? I was right there with him. Yes, emo-stoner-guy! Yes! There is beauty in trash! Normal isn’t beautiful! Pain is in beauty and beauty is in PAIN! Continue reading
As I sit here watching my beautiful little angel puff attempting to eat his Disney pasta and peas, I can’t help but reminisce of a specific moment in my life. It was right after my wisdom teeth had been taken out. I was attempting to feed myself some Kraft Mac and Cheese (THE BEST PASTA IN A BOX EVER), but was so discombobulated that I couldn’t find my mouth. It was so frustrating. I was starving and all I wanted more than anything in the world was the delicious, orange, mushy-ness in my pie hole. Instead, I stabbed my cheeks repeatedly with four tiny knives like a drunken idiot. Continue reading
Today is day seven in a row of BABY. During the week, I am a stay-at-home mom, but most weekends, I work. I work for a few reasons. One, we can use the money. Two, I need to get out of this house and away from my angel nugget at least once a week. Jack is my joy. The moment I leave him, I miss him. The second I put him to bed, I want to pick him back up and hold him watch him sleep. When I hear him in the morning, I love walking into his room and seeing his smile as we start our day together. That being said, as most parents know, I NEED A BREAK. Continue reading
Every once in a while, I’ll have a random flashback to my childhood and go, “What the hell were we THINKING?!” Especially now, when watching Jack play I like to reminisce of what pretend-time was for me. I even remember my best friend Sarah and I discussing as children when we didn’t have fun pretending anymore. It was almost as depressing as finding out “you know who” is really your parents. We just couldn’t do it. It wasn’t the same. I wonder if other kids reached an age where they recognized that their imaginations couldn’t entertain them as well as they used to. Looking back, some of the things we did for fun was either physically dangerous or psychologically messed up. It makes me wonder if our parents ever had any idea what the hell we were up to. Here’s what I mean: Continue reading
I started writing this blog post over two months ago. I wasn’t exactly sure what the plan was. I was inspired to write it because my friend Lenneia posted this beautiful photo collage of yours truly when I was managing a Go-Pro for a white water rafting story that I was lucky enough to participate in:
Okay, so it isn’t the most flattering of collages. In fact, Lenneia even had the courtesy to ask me if it was okay that she posted it and offered to remove it. Of course, I didn’t mind a bit. I love funny things, and this was hilarious. I know I’m a fairly attractive person. I know I have the ability to take cute pictures. Who cares if the bottom right photo looks like my long lost twin brother?
This reminded me of people I know who have seriously gotten upset with me for posting an unflattering photo of them. It’s happened more than once, and each time I hadn’t even noticed. Continue reading
So, I’m reading a little Genesis this afternoon and it’s all, “This dude fathered this guy and this man made this baby who had more babies….” and all the sudden this man named Enoch is snatched. Into Heaven. Because God and him and like total BFFs. WHAT?! Amongst a bunch of boring who-fathered-who hoopla, Enoch disappears. Here are the verses: Continue reading
I’ve been avoiding reading about the Confederate flag controversies lately. Between that, the Marines in Chattanooga, ISIS, and Planned Parenthood, I just need a break. When my husband told me about the KKK hiding in a parking garage in South Carolina, however, I had to look it up. I’m so glad I did. It was a moment of entertainment amongst a lot of serious crap piles. Click HERE to watch the video.
Have you ever seen Django, Unchained? It was seriously incredible. I am a huge Tarentino fan, but my mother would tell you he is THE WORST. Anyway, there is a scene in the movie that immediately came to mind when I saw the KKK hiding in a parking garage. The language is so foul that I cannot talk myself into posting a link here, but you can look it up if you so desire. As they prepare for a raid, a group of klansmen stop on their horses to discuss their plans and end up getting in an argument over whether or not they were going to wear bags over their heads or not. Although it was in a negative light, it kind of humanizes members of the KKK. It reminds the viewer that they probably had conversations and disputes within the clan about how hard one member’s wife worked on making their pillowcase head ware or how difficult it is to see out of them. I did find another funny and clean link HERE that makes me wonder what in the world the KKK in this century actually does discuss in their little meetings. Do they have coffee and doughnuts? Potluck dinners? Do they get together for family picnics and fall festivals-and what were the members of the KKK saying to each other as police protected them in the parking garage in South Carolina? Continue reading
Before I begin, I would like to say to my fellow bloggers that every once in a while it is really nice to go back to old school pen and paper. It gives a writer more time to think before writing something she may regret sharing. How perfect that I find myself without a laptop when wanting to get out my feelings on such a sensitive topic. As I’m sure any person with a television is aware, gay marriage is now legal in all fifty states of America. This has disheartened many and has fulfilled dreams that many others never thought possible. My opinion on the matter is really not what this post is about, but in case you are wondering, I think it is certainly constitutional. Continue reading