How I Almost Hit A Child With My Car And Why It Made Me So Mad

Tonight, as I was driving to my local grocery store to buy TWO GALLONS OF MILK FOR A DOLLAR (seriously!), a group of pre-teens on their bikes had taken over my street.  They were literally in the middle of and on the both sides of the road-and they did not give a poo that I was driving steadily towards them.  I gave them my classic “What the heck is wrong with you?!” look as one child gave me the finger and another angrily proclaimed, “Something-something-something-lady!” while running towards my car like it had insulted his mother. I don’t know what he thought he was going to do.  I don’t know if he knew what he thought he was going to do, but dammit, he was ready to do it. Continue reading

Suck It Up, Buttercup: One Of The Many Times I Embarrassed My Mother

It was my first job ever.  I didn’t even apply for it.  A few days before my first day of high school, I was informed of my new position at Eldercare Pharmacy.  I was to work there after school until 5:30pm.  I was excited.  I’m not sure why.  We hadn’t even discussed that I would get a job in high school.  I guess my parents just thought I should.  Alright, then.

As usual, I hadn’t eaten a thing.  I never woke up in time to eat anything, and I refused to eat the nastiness they served for lunch at school.  No, not even the rubbery pizza with plastic cheese could tempt my palate.  Someone once pointed out to me that I could pack a lunch.  What?  Like, plan ahead?  When?  The night before?  Are you kidding me?  Nope.  Another option would have been bringing money to school for the vending machine, but I didn’t have a job, yet, so…. Continue reading

Do You Really Hate Your Job?

Do you really hate your job?  Maybe you do.  Maybe, your current job is the worst possible thing you could ever be doing.  Maybe, you need to get the H out of there STAT, but here is another idea.  Maybe, it’s you.  Before you leave a job you hate, ask yourself, “Do I hate every single job I’ve ever had?”  If the answer is “yes”, then you might want to figure out why before job hopping again. Continue reading

Wait. Am I Not Funny?

I’m confused.  Am I not funny?  I seriously thought I was.  I mean…I didn’t think I was so funny that I could be a successful stand-up comedian or anything, but I thought I was funny.  I indulge in good, sarcastic, witty conversations with my acquaintances.  Usually, they laugh when I want them to laugh.  I have great timing, don’t I?  After this weekend, I honestly don’t know.
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My Crazy Night Out

cinco de mayoWe are visiting my home town this week.  Jack and I have accidentally turned a one night trip into three.  Rick is working on his sweeps package and is recovering from his recent dance off for a great fundraiser for the Alzheimer’s Association.  I got to spend one evening with two of my very best friends.  We went to the only Mexican restaurant in our tiny town to celebrate Cinco de Mayo.  Maggie, Kristen, and I at one point all lived in the same place and spent hours at a time doing nothing together on a regular basis.  We were always good at nothing.  That’s how you know you’ve reached the ultimate comfort level.  When friends turn to family.  When girl dates turn to watching The OC reruns until some minor responsibility needs to be carried out.  Last night, we had planned on having some drinks and painting our nails.  Things were supposed to get loud.  Dancing and song bursts were supposed to occur.
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Things You Need To Know Before You End Up In A Nursing Home

A conversation I’ve had with quite a few people:

Notme McNotterson: What do you do for a living?

Me: I work in a nursing home.

Notme McNotterson: Oh, my.  I couldn’t do that.  

Me: Really?  Why?

Notme McNotterson: Well, you know….They’re….old….and sick and all.  It just seems like such a sad place.


First of all, nursing homes get an insanely bad rap.  They might have been insane asylums in the 1950’s, but now they are just really nice, clean, and safe places for people who need help to live. Do you know that there are more state rules and regulations in place for a nursing home than a nuclear power plant?  It’s true. Continue reading

The Only Official “Stay-At-Home-Mom” Post I Will Ever Write-I Promise (Or, 12 Things You Need To Know Before Becoming A SAHM)

When I decided to start this blog, I was determined NOT to make it another “Mom Blog”.  The internet is littered with them and I don’t want to be in the middle of the pile.  When I was pregnant, I read every mom blog there was and really enjoyed them, but I think there are already enough. One of my best friends has recently decided to make the transition from working mom to work-from-home mother and while she is excited about it, she is also a bit apprehensive. I give you exhibit A: Continue reading

The Silver Lining of Alzheimer’s Disease

Colonel C.T. Boys, Betty's husband and my Papa
Colonel C.T. Boys, Betty’s husband and my Papa

There she was, both feet planted on the headboard, staring at the enormous portrait hanging above her bed.  She admired the man in the picture and the work of the artist, not knowing that it was actually she who had painted it.  She couldn’t place him, but she knew him.  She would do this so often that eventually the painting was removed.  It was dangerous for her to flip around in bed all the time and it confused her to wonder who the man was and why she seemed to know this piece so well.  Her son took it home with him and hung it on his own wall.  He could appreciate the memory of his father without doing somersaults off the furniture. Continue reading

Heaven Standard Time (Or HST)

“In sorrow we must go, but not in despair. Behold! we are not bound for ever to the circles of the world, and beyond them is more than memory.”
J.R.R. Tolkien

I’m not one to talk too much about religion.  I consider myself a Christian.  I believe in Jesus and God and all that jazz.  I also, have much respect for other religions and beliefs and feel that many of them are connected to the same general ideologies.  Be kind to one another.  Appreciate what you have.  When you die, you won’t really die.  You’ll go on to live forever, somewhere.  Probably, Heaven.  Heaven has always fascinated me.  What’s it like?  Who is there?  Are we still ourselves or do we become warm glittery beams of light?  Maybe we all take the form of dogs and God plays fetch with us for the rest of eternity. Continue reading