First of all, I’d like to apologize for being MIA the past month.  We have been moving and are still in the process of…you know…moving.  Also, if you haven’t noticed, we are right slam in the middle of the holiday season, so….back off!  Seriously though, I’m sorry.  Lucky for you, my husband wouldn’t get off my back about blogging so here we are.  While much has happened in the past month, I am currently in the mood to enjoy a good therapy post about my baby’s newest milestone.  THROWING AN EMBARRASSINGLY, LOUD, OBNOXIOUS, PHYSICALLY HARMFUL FIT IN A PUBLIC PLACE.

Aw!  My baby’s personality is developing and he officially has reasons to get so mad, he kicks his mother in the face!  In public.  #awesome

Let me start with a disclaimer: Jack has been sick for nearly a week, and we were at Marshall’s only thirty minutes until bedtime.

As we walked into the doors, Jack was in a pretty good mood.  “Hi!” he sweetly waved to the holiday shoppers.  “Bye bye!” he waved again as we walked passed them.  “What a darling!” says one lady.  “Bye bye, sweet boy.” says another.  That’s when he sees it.  The best thing he’s ever had the pleasure of laying his precious eyes on in his entire life.  A triceratops.  That you can SIT ON.  AND ROCK.  Holy moly! Jack thinks to himself.  I need to be ON that right now!

All I know at this point is that Jack doesn’t want to sit in the cart.  I assume he wants to walk, so I put him down.  He immediately runs (at full toddler capacity) to the rocker and hops on.  No.  Leaps.  He LEAPS onto this magical beast like it’s going to fly him straight to Paw Patrol Headquarters.  I let him sit for a second, but I don’t like wearing out toys that I’m not planning on purchasing, so I told Jack we had to get down.  He gives his usual “No.” and shakes his sweet little head.  I had no choice.  I had to remove him.

“NOOOOOOOOOO!” he screams violently.  I pick him up and attempt to put him in the cart.  Grabbing one foot as he kicks me in the face with the other.  He shrieks so sharply that strangers out of our line of vision would definitely think someone is torturing a baby dragon.  I looked around to see if his squeals had broken any windows.

At this point, I’m not terribly embarrassed. Toddlers have meltdowns.  If I could just get his feet back in the holes of the shopping cart.  Then, he stands up, puts one foot on my shoulder and attempts to propel himself off of me towards the ground.  Don’t forget folks, this entire time, there is a constant, ear-shattering “Noooooooo!” going on.

I assume people are beginning to stare at me.  I honestly have no idea.  I was too focused on controlling my beautiful nightmare.  The scary part is, I couldn’t.  I could NOT make him stay in that cart.  When I tried to hold him, he would wiggle his way out.  It reminds me of the time I tried to wash my kitten in the kitchen sink.  I discovered that day, that no matter how small an animal is, if it’s angry enough, it can kick your butt.

Finally, as we got out of sight of the rocking triceratops, Jack began to calm down.  He was still crying, but his body was giving up.  His “Noooo!”s turned to quiet whispers.

I began to feel sorry for him.  As far as he is concerned, he did nothing wrong.  He was happily and pleasantly playing with a toy and then his mommy just took him away.  No more toy.  He was there and now he is not.  His mommy was trying to put him in a moving vehicle aimed AWAY from this incredible fun.  There is no way he understands the reason behind mommy’s evil actions.

The rest of the shopping experience was me carrying my defeated, whimpering child through Marshall’s.  The tantrum had exhausted us both.  Unfortunately, only one of us was able to fall asleep on the ride home.