My Baby Is Not A Papaya And I Am Not Glowing

Every single pregnancy website I read presents me with sugar coated facts and photos of perfectly shaped women with basketballs beneath their shirts.  Today, at week 32, I was warned that I may be having some heartburn due to my perfect little jicama (WHATEVER THE HELL THAT IS) pushing up on my stomach, and that taking Tums and propping my head up six inches “may” help.  The truth is, for some reason, God decided it would be a brilliant idea to shove a 3 and 1/2 pound human body in a space that was originally the size of a plum.  Instead of it growing outward or skimming the surface of its host’s organs, it literally moves aside the entire digestive tract until said host’s stomach is literally in her throat.  This is insane.  INSANE.  And propping my head up six inches is not going to help my heartburn.  Nothing can help a person whose stomach is in their throat. Continue reading

Baby’s First Temper Tantrum

First of all, I’d like to apologize for being MIA the past month.  We have been moving and are still in the process of…you know…moving.  Also, if you haven’t noticed, we are right slam in the middle of the holiday season, so….back off!  Seriously though, I’m sorry.  Lucky for you, my husband wouldn’t get off my back about blogging so here we are.  While much has happened in the past month, I am currently in the mood to enjoy a good therapy post about my baby’s newest milestone.  THROWING AN EMBARRASSINGLY, LOUD, OBNOXIOUS, PHYSICALLY HARMFUL FIT IN A PUBLIC PLACE. Continue reading