About five days ago, I was texting my friend Maggie. We were joking about how our husband’s don’t seem to notice when we buy new decorative items around the house. “I bought a lamp, a runner for the garage door, and a giant rug for the bathroom today. The lamp is beside his spot on the couch and he has walked on BOTH rugs. Nothing. HOW DO YOU MISS A LAMP?!” I texted. Maggie said, “Lol…Sorry, boo. If you want him to notice, tell him. Or you’ll have to get over it.” A few emoticons and “husbands don’t notice things we could buy a car” later, I read this: “I just gushed water. Should I be worried?” Continue reading
My New Job
I haven’t really talked too much about my new job because I was afraid it was too good to be true. Having actually worked it a few weeks and gotten good feedback from my new boss, I think it might finally be safe to mention. When Jack was born, Rick and I both wanted me to stay at home as much as possible. I was a daycare baby (and obviously turned out totally fine), but for some reason, it was just something I wanted. When I actually met my child, I KNEW it was something I wanted. When he turned six weeks old and I didn’t have to go back to work, I was elated. I was exhausted and happy and fat and miserable and my body was nowhere near fully recovered from birthing a human being. I remember thinking about the many women who (by choice or by need) send their infants to daycare and return to full time at six weeks. How do they do it?! I didn’t get a full night’s sleep for the first six months of Jack’s life. I can’t imagine adding a full time job to the mix. It is seriously insane to me that six weeks is the norm. Continue reading
Letters To Jack: Letter Two
Oh Jack,
This week has just been the worst. One day (if you decide to have children), you will drop your kid off at daycare or school for the first time and you will discover what real solid pain feels like.
Today was your fourth day. The first two days I let you go just for a few hours to get used to it. Yesterday, I left you for ten hours. TEN. For ten hours I left you with total strangers. A little boy pushed you down and scratched your beautiful face and stole your toy. Your teacher handed me a piece of paper explaining your injuries. She said you did nothing. You just cried. I purposely did not ask which little tot caused harm to my perfect child because I knew that you might one day become friends with him, and that one day you might want him to come over and play, and you might even grow up to be best friends-and I would hate his little toddler guts for the rest of my life. Continue reading
Behind The Scenes Is The Best Place To Be
Last weekend, we finally finished our play. Wow. What a learning experience. It was one of the most fulfilling moments of my life. All the rehearsals, set building, costume searching, and time away from home were definitely worth it. The audience laughed at all the right moments, the crew moved the sets correctly, and the sound and lighting guy timed everything perfectly.
Letters To Jack-Letter One
Dear Darling Little Munchkin Nugget,
I’ve been writing these blogs for over a year now and hoping that one day, you’ll read them. I figure you won’t care about them much at all until you either have a family, or I’m gone. I realized today that I’ve yet to really acknowledge my reason for writing. It’s you. I don’t want to forget these moments with you. I’ve already forgotten about thirty percent of my high school class, my friend’s house phone numbers, and how much it cost to fill my gas tank up in 2002. I don’t want to forget the person you are right now. At two years old, we have a very different relationship than we might when you are thirty, so I want to remember each relationship perfectly. Continue reading
Mama’s Getting Married-And Everyone Is Freaking Out About My Dad
A few weeks ago, she called me. “Is your dad okay?!” she asked in her WHAT THE HELL voice. I was confused. “Yes. I think so. I haven’t talked to him today, but I think he’s okay. I don’t understand.” Explaining further, Mom had been asked by several people how Dad is “dealing” with her upcoming nuptials. A few others had asked if she was inviting her ex-husband to the wedding. “That’s funny, Mom! I’ve been asked, too.”
I had. People I really don’t even know that well had asked me in sympathetic voices, “How’s your Dad doing with your mom getting remarried?” First of all, if he were miserable, I definitely wouldn’t tell you that, but the thing is-he isn’t. Secondly, the conversation was never started with “Congratulations! I’m glad your mom is happy.” I always awkwardly explain that Dad is quite happy. He’s happy with his life, and he’s happy for my mom. If you’re reading this and thinking “Oh, God. I was the one she’s talking about.” you are one of many, and I’m not mad at you. I just thought maybe you’d like to read the way your words sound from our perspective in case you find yourself in a similar situation in the future. Continue reading
Thirty Years of Lessons
Guess what, guys?! I’m THIIIIRRRTTTTYYYY! Holy cow. That’s insane. It’s not old, but I’ve been in my twenties for so long….about ten years now. It’s weird, you know? I’m not old enough to know if birthdays will really affect me the way they do some people, but I really don’t think they will. Working with the elderly, I’ve learned that getting old really isn’t about the number, it’s about your quality of life. I’ve seen a very old fifty year old and a very young eighty year old. All that being said, this week, I bought a bag of lemons to drink lemon water every day. On my birthday wish list are: Running shoes, Fitbit, and skin care products, so obviously somewhere in my mind I’m fighting the aging process. I just hope I’m a young older person for as long as possible. While thirty isn’t old, it has certainly been long enough to learn a few life lessons. Through the years, I’ve grown a bit wiser. I’ve learned a lot, and have a lot left to learn, but here are thirty things I’ve learned in each year of my three decades: Continue reading
If TV Were Real Life
I have serious anxiety with certain TV shows and movies. Two types annoy me in particular. First, horror movies where the only reason anyone gets murdered is because they did exactly what NO REAL PERSON would actually do and stupidly get themselves killed. The other is any sort of medical show where a doctor is giving nursing care to a patient. AS IF. After an intense Facebook conversation with a girl I went to highschool with (Shout out Angel) about how stupid Grey’s Anatomy and other such shows are at portraying real life, I’ve been inspired to share some of my most frustrating television moments. Before I list them, you should know that I actually like some of these shows. There is a place in television for moments that probably wouldn’t happen in real life. However, they only work if they’re executed in that perfectly difficult to pull off comedic way, and most of the time, they just make my skin crawl. Continue reading
“Those” Girls You Don’t Want To Talk To
You know the type. They’re pretty, they’re popular, and you just KNOW they’re shallow. They have no depth. They think they’re the greatest little tanned bodies south of the Mason Dixon line. They could wear the exact same outfit as you and be the winner of “Who Wore It Best?” every time. You know what else they are? Totally unapproachable. When they walk up to the group you’re talking with you think, “What do I have to say to her?” and “How can she take this perfectly great conversation and turn it in to something I have no input on whatsoever?” We all have those girls that we don’t want to talk to. The girls you don’t even want to see. Those snotty, two-faced, fancy pants-wearing, jerks. Ugh. Continue reading
Beach Bitches and Busted Biscuits
And by bitches, I mean incredibly aggressive Pitbulls and their drunkenly idiotic owners who allow their dog to drag them all over the beach and attempt to eat small, innocent terrier puppies-but we’ll get to that later. Last weekend, I went to the beach with four of my closest friends. This is our second annual chill trip. There are certain requirements to attend this special event. You must be incredibly passionate about three things: Eating, laughing, and doing absolutely nothing. Oh my gosh, ya’ll. I am SO good at doing nothing. Continue reading
The Munchkin Nugget 