Thirty Years of Lessons

Guess what, guys?!  I’m THIIIIRRRTTTTYYYY!  Holy cow.  That’s insane.  It’s not old, but I’ve been in my twenties for so long….about ten years now.  It’s weird, you know?  I’m not old enough to know if birthdays will really affect me the way they do some people, but I really don’t think they will.  Working with the elderly, I’ve learned that getting old really isn’t about the number, it’s about your quality of life.  I’ve seen a very old fifty year old and a very young eighty year old.  All that being said, this week, I bought a bag of lemons to drink lemon water every day.  On my birthday wish list are: Running shoes, Fitbit, and skin care products, so obviously somewhere in my mind I’m fighting the aging process.  I just hope I’m a young older person for as long as possible.  While thirty isn’t old, it has certainly been long enough to learn a few life lessons.  Through the years, I’ve grown a bit wiser.  I’ve learned a lot, and have a lot left to learn, but here are thirty things I’ve learned in each year of my three decades: Continue reading

If TV Were Real Life

I have serious anxiety with certain TV shows and movies.  Two types annoy me in particular.  First, horror movies where the only reason anyone gets murdered is because they did exactly what NO REAL PERSON would actually do and stupidly get themselves killed.  The other is any sort of medical show where a doctor is giving nursing care to a patient.  AS IF.  After an intense Facebook conversation with a girl I went to highschool with (Shout out Angel) about how stupid Grey’s Anatomy and other such shows are at portraying real life, I’ve been inspired to share some of my most frustrating television moments.  Before I list them, you should know that I actually like some of these shows.  There is a place in television for moments that probably wouldn’t happen in real life.  However, they only work if they’re executed in that perfectly difficult to pull off comedic way, and most of the time, they just make my skin crawl. Continue reading

Flowcharts For Toddlers

After hearing myself say to my son, “No.  We don’t put our hand in the dog’s butt.” and posting said statement on Facebook, I was inspired by my friend Amber to figure out a way to help toddlers answer the more difficult questions in life.  Often, when saying to Jack, “Don’t lick that!” or “We don’t show our belly button to total strangers, darling.”, he has a very confused expression on his face.  So, after way too much time figuring out how to create flowcharts on free online software, I give you: Flowcharts for Toddlers.  The following should be helpful for your child when a challenging situation arises.  Good luck!

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6 Things My Best Friend And I Did As Kids That Make Me Wonder If Our Parents Were Ever Paying Attention

Every once in a while, I’ll have a random flashback to my childhood and go, “What the hell were we THINKING?!”  Especially now, when watching Jack play I like to reminisce of what pretend-time was for me.  I even remember my best friend Sarah and I discussing as children when we didn’t have fun pretending anymore.  It was almost as depressing as finding out “you know who” is really your parents.  We just couldn’t do it.  It wasn’t the same.  I wonder if other kids reached an age where they recognized that their imaginations couldn’t entertain them as well as they used to.  Looking back, some of the things we did for fun was either physically dangerous or psychologically messed up.  It makes me wonder if our parents ever had any idea what the hell we were up to.  Here’s what I mean: Continue reading

What If God Snatched You Up Into Heaven Right Now?

So, I’m reading a little Genesis this afternoon and it’s all, “This dude fathered this guy and this man made this baby who had more babies….”  and  all the sudden this man named Enoch is snatched.  Into Heaven.  Because God and him and like total BFFs.  WHAT?!  Amongst a bunch of boring who-fathered-who hoopla, Enoch disappears.  Here are the verses: Continue reading

Cutting Sandwiches

Every day, as I prepare a meal for my one year old, I think of my dad.  Especially when I’m cutting his sandwiches into perfect little squares so his squishy fingers can shove bite-sized pieces into his mouth.  It reminds me of the meals my dad used to make me.  Peanut butter and jelly was my fav.  Four perfect squares, hold the crust.  Cheese toast was second best.  These bits were even smaller.  Tiny individual toasts with melted cheddar.  Another frequent request was “pink pink”, my word for scrambled eggs.  Dad isn’t quite sure where that came from, but we think I called it that because the eggs came in a pink carton.  I didn’t call scrambled eggs anything, but “pink pink” until I was embarrassingly old. When I am cutting Jack’s sandwiches up for him, I think of my dad and all the fun we had growing up.  All the weird and unique things I did with just my dad and no one else.  Here are just a few of the things that I flashback to while cutting sandwiches: Continue reading

Baby Talk: The Art Of Manipulation

Jack and Myles
Jack and Myles

Today, as Jack and Myles were playing in their car, I overheard something that you might not believe.  I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop.  Myles likes to hit the car really hard and run away while Jack laughs and stays in.  I was just checking to see if everything was alright and that no fingers were at risk for jamnation.  I guess they didn’t notice.  I walked in mid-sentence.  It all seemed like normal toddler babble to me, until…. Continue reading

My Mom Is The Worst

If your mother is anything like mine, it can freak you out when you find yourself saying or doing something the way she does.  My mother is truly saddened when she sees a young lady (like myself) who chooses not to wear make up or fix her hair.  It drove me nuts growing up.  I was a tshirt and jeans kind of kid.  I don’t think I ever actually fixed my hair until….well….11th grade?  Seriously.  And that was only occasionally.  I refused to wear contacts until then, too.  In hind sight, it is hilarious to me that these things bothered her.  She is the one who taught me to never pay full price for anything.  Abercrombie and Fitch was robbing people if they thought she was going to pay $50 for a tshirt.  SHE WAS RIGHT.  That is insane.  It’s a piece of cotton that has A and F on it.  YOU are PAYING Abercrombie to walk around and advertise for them.  When I was very little, I’m sure she fixed my hair, but once I got old enough to dress myself and whatnot, she never really said, “Okay, Becca.  This is how you fix your hair.”  She didn’t pick out my outfits.  I did.  I had the opportunity to make my own decisions and I chose to do what required the least amount of effort possible.  Which drove her nuts.  Which drove ME nuts.  We were very different people.  I was an early teen who hated school, girls who care about A and F, and most of all, my mother.  She. Was. The. Worst.  She wanted me to study.  She wanted me to do my homework.  She wanted me to SWEEP THE DINING ROOM LIKE I WAS SOME SORT OF HOUSE ELF.  What was wrong with her?  She was upset with me when my teacher called her and said that it looked like I may have forged her signature on my report card.  WHAT WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO, MOM?!  I GOT A C IN HISTORY!  She even made me call and apologize to my evil teacher like it was MY fault that she noticed that my mother’s handwriting looked different.  Then, when I decided I wanted to join a softball team because my best friend was doing it, she wouldn’t let me quit.  IT WAS HOT!  I was an awful softball player and she still made me stick with it until the end of the season.  She came to every game just to make sure I went.  Or to root me on.  I don’t know.  Moms, right?  Ugh!  Now, as an adult, I find myself doing things the way she did and it just totally freaks me out.  Here are some things I have to blame on my mother: Continue reading

7 Stupid Things That Make My Dogs Bark

This is Heidi:

Heidi

This is Hobbes:

Hobbes

We love them so much.  We want them to bark.  We want them to alert us of predators loitering in our garage.  We want them to scare away the people who are trying to sell us something.  We want them to wake us from a deep slumber if our house is on fire.  BUT OH MY GOD WILL YOU PLEASE STOP BARKING AT THE LITTLE GIRL PLAYING DRESS-UP IN HER DRIVEWAY?!?!  Heidi?  Hobbes?  While we appreciate you and your amazing skills, I need to explain to you why sometimes, it’s really unnecessary.  Here are some really stupid things that make you bark: Continue reading

The Friend Formula-How To Keep Great Friends With Limited Drama

Do you feel like you’re surrounded by drama?  Every time you think you have a good and trustworthy friend, do they disappoint you?  Do you surround yourself with guys because you just can’t take anymore cat fights?  Then, I have to tell you something about friendship.  You’re doing it wrong.  Even if you aren’t a drama queen, if you are constantly surrounded by drama then you really need to reevaluate your friendships.  Here is a handy little diddy for you to read and re-read whenever you have had enough. Continue reading