I Had A Baby So I Wrote This On My Iphone

My relationship with coffee has changed so much in the past few weeks. I’ve seen all these cliche mom posts about wine and coffee, but once you pop out a second kid something inside of you wants coffee 24/7. It’s just like the SNL spirit animal skit. We instinctively chop off our hair, drink a LOT of coffee and develop a taste for wine. I mean-I haven’t yet wanted wine *vodka cran girl*, but it appears to be my closest goal.

I have two kids, a minivan, and strong opinions on vaccinations. I am a 19 year old child in a 31 year old mother’s body. And it’s weird as hell. Continue reading

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My Baby Is Not A Papaya And I Am Not Glowing

Every single pregnancy website I read presents me with sugar coated facts and photos of perfectly shaped women with basketballs beneath their shirts.  Today, at week 32, I was warned that I may be having some heartburn due to my perfect little jicama (WHATEVER THE HELL THAT IS) pushing up on my stomach, and that taking Tums and propping my head up six inches “may” help.  The truth is, for some reason, God decided it would be a brilliant idea to shove a 3 and 1/2 pound human body in a space that was originally the size of a plum.  Instead of it growing outward or skimming the surface of its host’s organs, it literally moves aside the entire digestive tract until said host’s stomach is literally in her throat.  This is insane.  INSANE.  And propping my head up six inches is not going to help my heartburn.  Nothing can help a person whose stomach is in their throat. Continue reading

New England-BoysnBerry In Boston

Part One is Here
Part Two: So, we made it to Boston.  Once off the plane, we gave each other the usual smiling silent, “Well, that was awkward.” expressions and made our way to baggage claim.  Shortly, we were ready to tackle Boston’s public transportation system and take the bus into town.

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My luggage made it safely and did not hit anyone in the face.  Isn’t it pretty?
Our first impressions of Bostonians were not positive, as the guy in the information booth did not seem very excited to tell the two country mice the best way to get to Government Center, but later we had nothing but pleasant encounters.  In hindsight, he was probably from somewhere else.  Kristen took the reins and pointed her spaced-out friend in the right direction.  A free bus ride to Government Center-the station nearest our hotel.  We were on our way to The Langham Hotel-a swanky place that Kristen and I decided to splurge on since we were only staying in Boston for one night before I had to work.  Once there, we GPSed the best walking route to our destination.  Unfortunately, our iphones had no idea where we were or which way we were going.  Maybe they were used to our usual open spaces.  We made several u-turns in the cold-stopping to touch the leftover snow from the week before.  It was dirty and hard and gross, but it was snow-a rarity where we are from.  I even made a tiny-disgusting snowball.  Because SNOW. Continue reading

New England-The Umbrella Incident

Blogs about trips are so hard for me to write because so much happens that I don’t know where to begin.  I don’t want to overwhelm you with every little detail of our five day trip, but I don’t want to forget the good stuff, so I am trying something different.  I’m going to make this a series of short stories so I don’t forget anything while simultaneously not boring the heck out of my readers.  Let me set the scene: Continue reading

We Are Having A Girl!

Immediately before I started writing this post, I was on Pinterest to look up nursery ideas for our new baby GIRL.  I wanted ideas for her nursery.  As I saved my first pin, I noticed that “Baby Girl Devens” was already a board on my profile.  I had forgotten that years ago I had been searching for ideas for the possibility of a girl.  Funny enough, while I did want a girl-you can read that blog here-I REALLY wanted a boy for my husband.  His want for a boy outweighed my girl and I wanted him to be happy.  Plus, I’d have another chance.

This go round, I just couldn’t hide it.  I REALLY wanted a girl.  I know some people don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl, and maybe this makes me a bad person, but I wanted a girl and there isn’t a thing I could do to change that.  I have spent the past few months telling myself that another boy would be fine.  I love my son more than I could possibly describe.  Brothers would be so special.  Two boys dressed as knights and slaying dragons and building Legos is a world I could imagine with love.   Continue reading

What Your Zodiac Sign Means According To Me

As everyone who has ever known me is aware, I am kind of a guru of astrology.  Since I was a child, I can look at someone, name a sign, and describe their inner most emotions.  Zodiac signs originated in the 1990’s when Ace of Base released their glorious song “The Sign”.  Since then, the world has made all personal decisions based on their zodiac signs.  I am a Taurus and my husband is an Aries.  We didn’t really have anything in common, but I married him anyway because our stars aligned and now we are happy.  Here is what your zodiac sign means to according to me:  Continue reading

How I Found Solidarity At Barnes And Noble

I feel lame that so many of my stories start with “Today, at Barnes and Noble”.  What an exciting life I lead.  Other than the park, it’s the only free place to hang out with my kid who constantly reminds me that he wants to go somewhere by walking to the door and demanding, “bye bye!”  There are always interactions there.  A grown up to talk to is my favorite part, but I also like observing everyone’s parenting styles.

A few days ago, Jack and I had to leave early because he wouldn’t stop trying to take another little boy’s juice.  It got to the point where I had no choice, but to leave.  The woman said politely, “He must be thirsty,” which I self-consciously took as “Do you not give your baby beverages?”  I swore to the woman that my child had plenty of fluids that day, and went into obnoxious details about how her son’s cup looked like Jack’s old cup and yada yada yada please-don’t-think-I-severely-dehydrate-my-kid jargon.  The annoying part of all of this is that she was just trying to keep things light-hearted while my little beast was violently trying to rob her.  Still, I couldn’t help but take her comment way too personally.  Of course this woman doesn’t think my child is dying of thirst.  Of course he’s just in a “I want that cup or I will cut you” kind of mood.  All two year olds go through that horrendous phase where they don’t understand that every object on earth is not their personal property.  Why then, do I feel the need to explain myself or the behavior of my toddler?  All anyone has to do is look at him and know that he’s doing what he’s doing because he’s a tiny human-and tiny humans are selfish. Continue reading