Oh, I’m sure other women experienced severe hanger in their first pregnancies, but not me. This second one has been different in so many ways. I also need to clarify that I, myself have experienced hanger many times without being pregnant, but this hanger is different. This hanger WAKES you up at 4:30am and forces you to mindlessly chug cinnamon apple sauce out of an old hot-chocolate-stained coffee mug. Then, you lay there and think about how you had a cheeseburger and fries at 8 o’clock last night and there is no way you should physically be this hungry right now.
Can I please interrupt this fascinating essay on pregnancy symptoms to appreciate the adorableness that’s happening in real time from my living room? Jack is eating a poptart (because I’m super health conscious) and he goes, “Mama, Heidi (dog) wants a poptart.” “No, Jack,” I say, “I am not making any poptarts for Heidi today.” He thinks for a moment and I see a light bulb. “Mama, Hobbes (other dog) wants a poptart, too.” like I’m going to change my mind because the nicer dog wants a poptart. “No, Jack. Dogs don’t get poptarts. You need to finish yours.” Sadly, he gives in but has another suggestion. “Okay, Mama, but they still just want a treat.” Obviously, I’m going to give Jack treats to give to the dogs because OH MY GOD HE IS SO SWEET AND PRESH.
Okay, so that was pretty much it for the hangry issue. It’s just weird to be so hungry that your body chooses food over sleep when you had a full dinner the night before. It takes me back to my first pregnancy and my judgement of other moms who claimed it was the worst. I specifically remember one of my BFF’s eating crackers like a parrot and randomly moaning throughout my entire bachelorette weekend. Now, I think, “Wow. What a great friend to come to that crazy weekend in that awful condition.” As they say, every pregnancy is different. Well, until you have more than one you just think that’s a bunch of words to make people feel validated.
Except for a tiny bit of vague nausea in the beginning, some killer heartburn in the end, and growing to the size of a wrecking ball, my last pregnancy was incredibly uneventful. I worked on my feet full time and never felt incredibly overwhelmed or exhausted. I happily read my baby updates EVERY DAY like a crazy person. Everyone I was close with knew which piece of produce my developing fetus was at each moment. I wrote down his heart rates at each appointment and updated my entire family with a video of the doppler. That’s not even an ultrasound. It’s just a video of a sound. Thinking back, they sure were accommodating to my obsessiveness. I counted down the days and I just couldn’t wait until my little bundle of joy arrived.
Well, ya’ll. This time is different. I had some pretty bad nausea for the first several months-and it wasn’t even the kind where you don’t want to eat so you lose weight. It was the kind where eating makes you feel better so I’ve already gained some solid pounds in my first trimester. Last time I was a wrecking ball. This time I’ll be the boulder that Indiana Jones escapes. Although, that awful feeling has passed and has transformed itself into pure hanger, which I’m guessing is a side effect from the stomach stretching my nausea had induced.
The biggest difference, however, is my mindset. First time pregnant Becca would not believe that second time pregnant Becca cannot remember how many weeks she is. I have to look it up online because I keep forgetting. I haven’t recorded a single doppler and I’m not positive where I’ve put my ultrasound from our first visit. I don’t know if it’s the size of a prune or a potato. I have no idea if it can kick or suck its thumb or dab or what. And while I started showing very, very early this go-round, I frequently forget I’m even pregnant. I’ve got other things to worry about. I am SO EXCITED about our new family member, but I’m not too pumped about our newborn baby.
Newborns are hard. NEWBORNS ARE SO HARD. It amazes me how many people forget that. Well, Rick and I haven’t. We want another child because we want another cool kid to complete our family. When we were at our first doctor’s appointment, they asked us if we were excited and we were pretty honest. We aren’t excited about the sleepless nights, but we are excited about the person. My husband even offered a disclaimer to my OB, “…but not in a call DFACS sort of way.”
Right now, my focus is mainly on my almost-three-year-old son. Things are going to change for him. It’s going to be different, and I want to make sure he knows that we will never love him any less. I am soaking up all the one-on-one time we have because soon, we just won’t have quite as much of it. We’ve been reading baby books together and while he’s pretty sure he has a baby in his belly, at least he gets that I have one in mine.
I really am overjoyed about our new baby, but I learned from last time that he/she will be here soon enough, so I might as well enjoy life as I know it while I can. Before I know it, I’ll barely remember life before our second child.