The Weird Things I Do

A few minutes ago, someone rang my doorbell.  I will never know who because when my husband is asleep, or not home, and my doorbell rings, I freeze.  I slide down in my chair and refuse to move.  It’s as if there is a t-rex at my door and if I move, he will find me and eat me.  I assume it was someone selling me Jesus or a home security system, but in the back of my mind I can’t help imagining it was a man selling candy from a van who wants to abduct me and my child and take us to his basement and force us to perform show tunes for the next 30 years.  This scenario got me thinking about other weird things I do-and I wonder who else does them.  Is it so weird?  You tell me.  Here are some weird things I do: Continue reading

A Toast To Second Firsts

As I sit here watching my beautiful little angel puff attempting to eat his Disney pasta and peas, I can’t help but reminisce of a specific moment in my life.  It was right after my wisdom teeth had been taken out.  I was attempting to feed myself some Kraft Mac and Cheese (THE BEST PASTA IN A BOX EVER), but was so  discombobulated that I couldn’t find my mouth.  It was so frustrating.  I was starving and all I wanted more than anything in the world was the delicious, orange, mushy-ness in my pie hole.  Instead, I stabbed my cheeks repeatedly with four tiny knives like a drunken idiot. Continue reading