guilt

We Are Having A Girl!

~ themunchkinnugget ~ 2 Comments

Immediately before I started writing this post, I was on Pinterest to look up nursery ideas for our new baby GIRL.  I wanted ideas for her nursery.  As I saved my first pin, I noticed that “Baby Girl Devens” was already a board on my profile.  I had forgotten that years ago I had been searching for ideas for the possibility of a girl.  Funny enough, while I did want a girl-you can read that blog here-I REALLY wanted a boy for my husband.  His want for a boy outweighed my girl and I wanted him to be happy.  Plus, I’d have another chance.

This go round, I just couldn’t hide it.  I REALLY wanted a girl.  I know some people don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl, and maybe this makes me a bad person, but I wanted a girl and there isn’t a thing I could do to change that.  I have spent the past few months telling myself that another boy would be fine.  I love my son more than I could possibly describe.  Brothers would be so special.  Two boys dressed as knights and slaying dragons and building Legos is a world I could imagine with love.   Continue reading →

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Why You Should Visit Your Confused Loved One-Even If It Makes You Sad

~ themunchkinnugget ~ 2 Comments

I visited my Grandbetty’s old house last week and it brought back a flood of memories (no pun intended).  I wrote a blog about my Grandbetty after Alzheimer’s, but most of my memories are of her before.  When she knew my name.  When she wanted to take a thousand pictures of me by her azalea bushes.  When she wanted to feed me, even when I wasn’t hungry.  I was with her when she died.  I sat with her several times a week for the two years she didn’t know me anymore.  She was still the same person, just confused.  Sometimes, she would get angry.  Not often, but sometimes.  If she got angry with me, I would leave the room and collect myself.  I wasn’t mad at her, but I was hurt.  It didn’t matter that she didn’t know what she was saying.  Words hurt.  I had to cry a little and then I had to come back-because this was the only time in her entire life when she REALLY needed me.   Continue reading →

Apathy Towards Violence

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Today, as my family and I were driving home, we witnessed a woman break a bottle on the back of another woman’s head.  There were four of them.  My husband’s reaction was to pull over and make sure no one was going to kill anybody.  My reaction was total annoyance, as the ladies were fighting in the middle of road, and I wanted to go home.  I felt nothing.  I barely even acknowledged what had happened. Continue reading →