Immediately before I started writing this post, I was on Pinterest to look up nursery ideas for our new baby GIRL. I wanted ideas for her nursery. As I saved my first pin, I noticed that “Baby Girl Devens” was already a board on my profile. I had forgotten that years ago I had been searching for ideas for the possibility of a girl. Funny enough, while I did want a girl-you can read that blog here-I REALLY wanted a boy for my husband. His want for a boy outweighed my girl and I wanted him to be happy. Plus, I’d have another chance.
This go round, I just couldn’t hide it. I REALLY wanted a girl. I know some people don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl, and maybe this makes me a bad person, but I wanted a girl and there isn’t a thing I could do to change that. I have spent the past few months telling myself that another boy would be fine. I love my son more than I could possibly describe. Brothers would be so special. Two boys dressed as knights and slaying dragons and building Legos is a world I could imagine with love. Continue reading
Oh, Lord, y’all. I’ve already shared this part of myself with you. I have a few pet peeves, but the number one tear-my-hair-out, blindly screaming, call your mother and tell her what you did peeve is meanness. When someone is mean to me or someone I love I go from super chill Becca to white trash redneck angry girl whose name is not pronounceable through her gritted teeth. Having a child has taken these psychotic episodes to another level-and because usually the perpetrator is aged in the single digits, I have to control myself during these times more than ever. Have you ever wanted to grab a 6-year-old by the ear and drag him away while his mother watched? No. Uh. Right. Me neither. Continue reading
In the midst of another tragedy, the age old question is recirculating: “Why does God let bad things happen?” If God is real and great and powerful, why does He just sit back and watch as our lives take what seem like meaningless, harsh twists and turns? Why did He let my grandmother get Alzheimer’s? Why did He let my friend get murdered? Why did He allow 9/11? Why did He let a psychopath go through with a mass shooting? Why does He allow a woman carry a baby and then let it be born without a heartbeat? Continue reading
Today, as my family and I were driving home, we witnessed a woman break a bottle on the back of another woman’s head. There were four of them. My husband’s reaction was to pull over and make sure no one was going to kill anybody. My reaction was total annoyance, as the ladies were fighting in the middle of road, and I wanted to go home. I felt nothing. I barely even acknowledged what had happened. Continue reading
I cry all the time. I’m not depressed. I’m actually a pretty happy person. Life hands me some lemons, but usually it’s all lemonade and smiles around here. Show me a commercial with the perfect soundtrack and a well developed story line and I’ll show you an admiring consumer attempting to hold back the tears. You know that really awkward scene in American Beauty? Where weird guy next door describes the movement of a plastic bag floating around in the wind (pre-Katy Perry, thank you very much) and he starts crying at the beauty of it? I was right there with him. Yes, emo-stoner-guy! Yes! There is beauty in trash! Normal isn’t beautiful! Pain is in beauty and beauty is in PAIN! Continue reading